Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
