Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
