I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
