Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
