I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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