Umm I'm too high to move.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
