We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
