if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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