Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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