some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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