brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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