you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
