Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I need help removing her.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
