Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
party gras won. party gras always wins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
