did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
