I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
