Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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