I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
