I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
