If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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