Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
