I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
