Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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