i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
