Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
