Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
