Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
