Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
