Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He did a backflip because drugs
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
