May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
