Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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