seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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