Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
