South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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