you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
