she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
ttyl tear gas
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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