Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
