I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
