Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
