I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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