I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
