Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
