She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im part way to drunk.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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