my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
