You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
