Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
