do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
