Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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