so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
