she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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