I got chris browned last night
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
