I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
