Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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