Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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