I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
