Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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