He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
