Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
