im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
